FICTION: Bookstore

I was close to throwing up when I noticed an enormous glowing sign that said BOOKSTORE.

I sat up.

I stood up.

I brushed the leaves off my back.

*

There were a few people inside the store. I felt a little better. As long as several members of the species read, there’s still hope for us.

The rows and rows of tables at the front of the store were strewn with candles. A beautiful girl was sniffing a blue candle. She sniffed it for about a minute. Then moved on to a yellow one.

In the middle of the store was a ring of six tall bookcases. There were no books on them. I noticed bathrobes … telescopes … letter-openers… An elderly woman grabbed one of each, and dropped them in her basket.

The bookshelves on the back wall were cluttered with stuffed animals. And bubble bath.

In the corner of my eye I spotted a bearded man on a stepladder constructing a pyramid of green tea cans.

“Excuse me,” I said.

He dropped another can in place.

“You’re going to laugh,” I said. “But I can’t seem to find the books.”

The man didn’t laugh.

He blinked.

“Books?” he said.

“Books,” I said.

He blinked again.

He squinted.

He smoothed his beard.

“I don’t think…”

He smoothed his beard.

“No…”

“I don’t think we have those.”

I looked at him for about a minute.

“Are you sure?” I said.

He looked at the ceiling.

He smoothed his beard.

“I can take a look,” he said.

He climbed down the ladder and vanished.

I wandered around…

Pen sets … headphones … coconut oil…

My heart almost stopped when I saw a book but it was made of chocolate.

The elderly woman walked by. She was standing on a slant. Her basket was heaped with bubble bath bottles.

The bearded man reappeared.

“No,” he said.

He stared at me for at least a minute.

“No … books?” I said.

He shook his head.

His beard was unbelievably smooth.

“Thank-you,” I said, eventually.

The man blinked.

He blinked again.

“No problem,” he said.

He climbed back up the ladder. And added a capstone to the pyramid.

I backed away. I felt dizzy. I leaned on a bookshelf.

A herd of stuffed elephants fell to the floor.

On my way to the door, I bumped into someone.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

It was the beautiful girl. She didn’t say anything. She resumed smelling a red candle.

I staggered outside.

I collapsed in the grass.

I threw up.


This story was first published in SYLVIA Magazine.


Lights … Camera … Cigarettes


My short story “The Ashtray” is being made into a film

Hello, Friends — 

An announcement…

Vancouver-based media company Digital and Live Entertainment has optioned my short story “The Ashtray” and will be developing it into a feature-length film, with Jennesia Pedri attached to direct. Digital and Live Entertainment is best known for their work on Watchmen, Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocal and dozens of other films and tv series.

“The Ashtray” is the story of the improbable friendship that springs up between an ancient, chain-smoking woman and an awkward teen misfit. The story was first published in Geist and also appeared in my second, out-of-print story collection I Am Currently Working on a Novel.

I can’t wait to see the film come to fruition. In the meantime, you can read “The Ashtray” online. And don’t forget to check out Jennesia Pedri’s delightfully dark short film The Alderson Murder on YouTube.

Cheers — 


🎸PRESENTING: My New EP, CAHOOTS II

Hello, Friends —

I’m happy to announce the release of CAHOOTS II, a 3-song indie rock EP co-written with Duke Sims, lead singer of the ubiquitous New York City band Shinobi Ninja.

Have a listen to the punk-poppy lead single, “Rock’s On the Brink of Extinction.”

You might like track two, too. “Muddafuggin” has an 80s vibe.

The third and final track, “I Wrecked My Guitar,” blends metal and jazz.

The EP is dedicated to my friend Mike, who recently and unexpectedly passed away.

CAHOOTS II is available on Spotify, Apple Music and most other streaming services. It was produced by Duke Sims and recorded at Willy B Labs in Brooklyn, New York. All vocals by Duke Sims. I supplied the cover art, too.

Thanks for listening, friends.

Cheers —


Note №1

You might like our poppy debut EP, CAHOOTS, released last year.

Note №2

If you enjoy the music, please consider buying me a coffee.

🐻The Bear Under the Bed🐻

Photo: Annie Spratt / Unsplash

Hi, Friends.

Just letting you know that my children’s bedtime story, “The Bear Under the Bed,” is now available in the latest issue of Short Circuit — and in short story dispensers the world over. I hope you like it. Read it here.

Cheers,

Note №1

If you enjoyed this post, please consider buying me a coffee. More coffee = more stories, poems, cartoons and songs for you to enjoy.

Note №2

You might like my children’s novel Kabungo — or my collection of bedtime stories Dr. Franklin’s Staticy Cat.

Note №3

Do you like stories, poems, cartoons, music — plus book giveaways and much, much more? Then you’ll love my free monthly newsletter.